How to put an elephant in the refrigerator

1. Open your refrigerator.























2. Take the elephant.























3. Place the elephant in the refrigerator.

The Difference Between You and Me

In the 7th grade, I had a sweet 'I <3 NY' tee.
I wore it a few times.

I was wearing the shirt one day in history class when I walked to the back of the classroom to sharpen my pencil. As I walked to the back of the classroom, I passed the desk of a girl named Stephanie.

As I passed Stephanie's desk, she said to her friend, Melanie, in a conversational voice with a valley-girl tone, "Ugh, I bet he's never even been to New York."

#1 - I had never uttered a single word to this girl to make her lash out against me or hate me in any way.
#2 - Of the millions of 'I <3 NY' t-shirt wearers, why did she single me out as the one person who had worn the shirt unlawfully, assuming I had never traveled to New York?
#3 - Why did she voice her comment so loud?

The only reasoning I can come up with is that her dad raped her.

Bitch.

Ahhh - I'm in Red Vine hell!!!!!!

Turnip Cancer

I just heard... I'm so sorry...

Night Life VanCleef

Okay, listen up, sissies. I have no idea who VanCleef is. In fact, I care so little about this VanCleef character that I'm not even gonna bother looking him up in the Google toolbar that is a short mouse-click away.

Let me tell you about who I do care about:

Robert E. Lee.

That's right commies, Robert E. Lee.

This guy was the badass of the Civil War. He was the Napoleon Bonapart of the Confederacy. And just like Napoleon, he died too soon.

The world would be very different if the Rebels had won the Civil War. There would be no blacks, for one. There would also be no republicans. Go ahead and reflect on that for a second while I gather some more info.

Okay, back. It turns out that there are no web documents that tell what the Civil War was really about. All available positions on the web are directed towards slavery, which I assure you, is not the main cause of the Civil War. If slavery were the main cause of the Civil War, then why did the South fight it's own battles instead of using black slaves as troops? Thought so.

Although this isn't available on Prickipedia, I think that the succession of the Southern States from the Union was about politics and people. The Union were all Nazi Replublicans, and the South were all Democrats. Unfortunately, the South lost and Republicans still exist today.

I wish we, as modern Americans, would stand up for what we believe in and fight for what's right. I think we should have rioted the first time G.W. Bush was elected and forcefully taken him out of office.

The moral of this story is: kill republicans.
-bobby v

Gettin' all the honeys

Sup all my niggas and my niggaettes. This is Bobby Valentine's blog. Ya heard?

This is where I be bringin the phattest joints to shake ya'll booties to.

Yo, homies - you like titties? Shit, me too. I be postin some pics of titties for ya'll to look at too.

I'ma just keep it real-real and inform ya'll while providin' some entertainment. Dis blog be straight info-tainment!

So kick up yo shoes and relax yo feet, the partie's just gettin started.

-bobby v